just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
