"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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