forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
