I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
