I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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