This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
