new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
