I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
