You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
