There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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