I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
