and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
