Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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