I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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