Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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