My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
