Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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