remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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