when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
