Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
