Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it glows. i had to have it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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