So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
