did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
