is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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