New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
