I want to make a zoo with you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
