I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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