i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
