I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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