just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize