The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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