every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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