even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize