When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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