I think I am morally bankrupt
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
