How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
