Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize