Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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