did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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