I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
