we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
