wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize