Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
