My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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