we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
