Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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