Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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