i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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