I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
