It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
