She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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