Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
