between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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