In the future we'll all be gay
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
