I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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