oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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