I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
