i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize