wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
