she woke up with a sticky ear
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
