thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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