I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
