Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
