I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
