I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
