Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
