He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
