Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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