Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
