I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
