Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were trust falling into bushes
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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