I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
