Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
