my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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